Thailand Part 4: One Night in Bangkok

Leaving Koh Samui was such sweet sorrow.   It was my island paradise.  It was my refuge but the mission was accomplished and it was time to continue on with my life – to do what I was supposed to do.

I knew that this was definitely not the last time I will see Koh Samui.  I have marked it in my mind that I will always have to come back to Thailand for this wonderful beach to detox at least once a year.

So I board the plane to Bangkok feeling quite good about myself and my life in general.  I was back to my normal self – in a state of fearless joy.  I started thinking about what I intended to do in Bangkok.  Should I go sightseeing and visit the temples?  I was so relaxed and so much in my Zen that the thought of moving around Bangkok, taking pictures of sites just felt tiring.  I had thought, well since I was absolutely determined to come back to Thailand, I figured I could do that next time.  Besides, I essentially was just staying for 2 nights.  I didn’t want to stress myself out unnecessarily before I got back to my responsibilities in Manila.  So I decided I would just chill in my hotel, do a bit of shopping and have Thai massages until I left.

I arrived at the Suvarnabhumi Airport and after I got my luggage, I saw most of the passengers rushing to get taxi cabs to go to their destinations.  I felt a little bit more adventurous, so I grabbed a map and went for the train.

Although the idea seemed like a good one from the airport, the necessity to change stations got me panting and heaving for air.  I was lugging around 20lbs of baggage up and down train station stairs.  For the life of me, I couldn’t find an escalator or a lift.  That was 20lbs my arm was not used to pulling, more so, carrying up the stairs.  I was sweating, showing everybody how unfit I was, and worse, I lost my poise and my grace.  I finally got to my last stop and just dragged the damn thing down the stairs uncaring of whether or not my luggage got destroyed in the process.

I finally got on the street level and saw a bunch of cabs lined up waiting for passengers.  Although I was advised to ride a bus, I was too tired to do so.  I approached a driver and told him where my hotel was.  To my surprise, he rejected me.  I told him I will pay him extra and still he refused to take me in his vehicle.  He said, “It’s 2 blocks away, just walk it.”

“What!?!?!?!?”   I wished that “What” was because of his thick Thai accent but I understood him perfectly.  I was shocked.  In Manila, you
will never get refused for a 2 block ride.  The Filipino mind had a very good radar for well-off brats and a taxi ride for 2 blocks is screaming BRAT so they take advantage of this – but not in Bangkok.

Luckily, there was this quite attractive local, who spoke perfect English, who took pity on me.  He gave me directions.  He was really cute and well dressed and my nature almost asked if he could bring me to my hotel, but I was on a solitary journey which I wanted to keep a solitary journey.  As if reading my mind, he told me he would have taken me there but he had a class that he had to attend to.

So there I was, totally out of breath, dragging my purple luggage, 2 blocks from the station to my hotel which I almost did not find.

Although the hotel I stayed in was not that much known to most, it was great.  It’s for long staying guests and it was just perfect.  I needed to feel at home and it succeeded in doing that for me.  Immediately I prepared a bath and had a massage arranged.  My initial plan was to go shopping and stay in on my last day in Bangkok.  But with my body hurting, shopping would just have to wait.  So I stayed in, had a nice warm bath, had the knots in my muscles taken out by a Thai masseuse, had room service for dinner and started blogging.

Being a party girl, all my friends in Manila had suggested all these clubs I should go to while I was in Bangkok.  Needing a drink after
blogging, I decided to go out and head towards Bed Supperclub,  famous club in Bangkok which played both Techno and Pop music.  As I checked their website, there was an event that gave Ladies free entrance.  I said what the heck, just for an hour, the entrance was free.  At least I could tell my friends I went clubbing.

And as things with me always happened, I was getting too much attention, including the photographers.  I was only one giving it my all to techno music.  Not really wanting to be above the radar, I went to the bar to have some drinks just to be approached by a Brit and an Australian.

In my head, I told myself exasperatedly, “No, not the subjects of the Queen, again.”  My success rate with the Queen’s subjects was nil.  I had gone out with too many of them and honestly I’ve had enough of their scones, their vegemite, their tea with biscuits, and, definitely, their accents.  But with 2 of them, side by side, talking to me at the same time, I couldn’t help but just be impressed by those 2 accents.  And before anything else I was bound to regret happened I decided to go back to my hotel room.

The next day was shopping day.  Most of my friends that have been to Bangkok had said that stuff were cheap.  Well, not all of them were cheap.  I went to MBK, a very famous spot for shopping, and I couldn’t help but compare their prices to the prices in Greenhills, Manila’s version of MBK.  Despite my complaints about the prices, I ended up buying tons of stuff.

I really hate going to the mall because I know myself well enough to know that left in a mall I will spend.  And that was what happened in MBK.

Once again, I was lugging stuff to my hotel.  I was beginning to think that the only memories that Bangkok would leave was the memory of lugging heavy items from one place to another.  That would have been the case if not for what happened in the evening – my last evening in Bangkok.

There I was at my hotel room, checking my flight early the next day.  Ok, admittedly, 2pm was not really early but it was for someone who normally woke up at 12 30nn.  I was thinking if I should arrange another massage and just pamper myself silly on my last night.  I asked my friend who always has a nonchalant reaction to my questions for ideas of what to do.  He was the only one online and as usual he gave me a very uncaring-slightly caring answer.  “Just enjoy yourself!”  With no suggestions in mind, and not really wanting to just lie on my hotel room bed watching TV, I had decided to pamper myself in a different way – with fine dining and drinks galore.

So I gave extra effort in making myself look nice – make up, hair product, Bulgari perfume, dangling earrings, plunging neckline – I was dressed to kill!

So I merrily went down to the lobby ready to kick the night off just to be greeted at the door by pouring rain.  It was raining cats and dogs and the concierge recommended that I wait until the rain stopped.

But I was hungry.  So I decided to just skip the fine dining and have dinner at the hotel restaurant.  Since the restaurant was outside located outside the hotel proper, I decided to stay by the bar.

I had finished my dinner and the rain still had not stopped, so I started with the drinks hoping that when I was appropriately buzzed I could move out – a downpour of rain was not going to ruin my last night in Bangkok.  I started conversing with the bartender about possible places I could go to.

As we were talking, one of the guests at the hotel sat a seat away from me despite have 10 available chairs by the bar to choose from.  I was slightly annoyed as I felt my personal space was being encroached upon but ignored the presence nonetheless.  I was determined to enjoy the evening.  Not paying the man any attention, the bartender and I continued our conversation.

Apparently, he was a regular guest and so he volunteered his opinion regarding the argument we were having about whether techno was music or not.  Again, I was slightly annoyed.  I was trying to be on a solitary journey so I was trying to be really snobbish looking.  Especially since there was this old man, another guest in the hotel, at a table across where I sat, staring at me from the moment he had arrived.

The man near me gave his unsolicited 2 cents worth which favoured my argument.  His English was really bad but this somehow started some conversation about music which I now forget.  And although the conversation was directed at me, whatever it was about ended the moment the anti-techno bartender left.  The man took this opportunity to warn me about the old man who kept staring at me, as if I had not noticed it myself.  With the bartender gone, there was really no point to continue talking to this guy.  I was really trying to be snobbish!

After about 6 wine sips of awkward silence I felt I needed to do something.  It was still raining and I was deciding whether I should just go up my room and forget about the whole night out or just wait.  I didn’t really want to talk to the European as I might give the wrong impression.  But…

I wasn’t really doing anything and that little piece of input he gave obliged me to start a conversation.  Being snobbish was really against my nature.  I looked at him:  European with blonde hair and grey eyes, broken nose, not ugly but average face, dressed like a tourist with a shirt and long shorts (well he did stay at the hotel), the body was nothing great, not scrawny, not fat, not buffed but fit enough like someone who’d do regular exercise but nothing extreme.  I had avoided eye contact during the prior conversation as I was trying to be offish but now that I felt I had to do something, I had to check him out within a 10 second span so I can behave accordingly – either I run up to my room or stay.  I figured that since I really didn’t find him attractive enough, it was safe to start a conversation and stay.

And so it all started with a “Hello”… He was from Germany and spoke like Tarzan and yet he talked and talked and talked and talked.  And even with that language barrier I found myself laughing with him.  And so we continued laughing and talking, and time flew, and nobody noticed that the rain had stopped until the bartender said her goodbyes as she left the restaurant to go home.

With an amused smile, she quietly told me, “I don’t think there will be techno music tonight.”  Sure enough, there was none but the music that played that evening, which was far more romantic than I expected.  It was music I was trying so hard to avoid the whole trip.

All alone, he asked me to dance.  He explained his work.  He told me his life.  He showed me who he was, in his Tarzan English.  And despite my fascination with the Queen’s English and the accents down under, I found Tarzan’s English the most honest and the most straightforward.  His language was as simple as a child’s yet as profound as the human soul.

All I could feel the next day was regret – regret that I was leaving Thailand, regret that my vacation was at an end, regret that I will have to face the real world once again, regret that I had met such a wonderful man on my last evening in Bangkok, regret that the probability was I would never see him again, regret that I would never get to know him better, and the regret of not knowing if there was something there that we could build on.

But such is my life!  Things happen in fleeting moments.  So there is no choice but to seize it when it is there and treasure it when it is gone.

Despite these sentiments, I was also excited to be on my way home.  I had a lot ahead of me and the way I saw it, I was ready to embark on a great adventure.

Before I knew it, I was back in Manila, in my house, ordering my household help around to do things. Thailand was far, far away…as far as a dream was at your waking moment.

But like all dreams, there was always the memory of that surreal moment and the most magnified was that last night in Bangkok.  Despite feeling all together good about the trip I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of that evening.

It was the perfect ending to a wonderful trip.  It started with a man in the most banal of places, some would consider a form of hell on earth, then it continued on with a touch of heaven in one of the best beaches I’ve been in, and finally ended in one magical night in Bangkok.

I couldn’t help but wonder if I’ll ever see him again.  Yes, we exchanged contact details, but who was I kidding?  We were back on Earth, in the real world and I had a lot on my plate.

The great adventure of my life, I initially feared, was about to begin with me moving into a new home.  This was planned to happen 2 weeks after I came back from Bangkok.  But just after 1 week or so, I saw a friend request in Facebook and a message, “I’m coming to Manila!”

The great adventure of my life may just turn out to be the greatest.

It wasn’t an end after all – not an end to Thailand, not an end to a dream and definitely not an end to a man I met one magical night in Bangkok.  It was a beginning which started one rainy evening when I felt safe to say, “Hello!”

As to what happened next… well, that has to wait until the next blog.  As to how it ended?  I’m hoping it never does….

Thailand Part 3 – The Heaven on Earth called Koh Samui

Beach front of my resort

As much as I had a lot of fun dancing the night away, the next morning proved to be the shits.  Maybe because of the street food that I compulsively bought after a hard night of drinking, I woke up with a bad stomach.  At first, I felt a bit disappointed that my potentially perfect trip could be marred by bad food.  But due to my determination to enjoy this trip, I decided to look at the incident in a positive light – it was an opportunity for me not to be tempted to go out and just stay in my hotel room.

Just around the corner from my hotel was a pharmacy from which I bought 1 whole pack of Imodium.  Popping 2 of it immediately, I figured I could pass the day without incident as long as I stayed away from oily foods and pretty much stay in.

Feeling somewhat queasy but determined, I went to the beach front of my resort to greet the morning sun.  The scenery was sublime.  The sky was so blue and so clear above the rustling waves of the ocean that nothing could possibly go wrong, even for someone who was suffering from a bum stomach.

And sure enough, the serenity of the landscape immediately affected my state of my mind.  And as the soft, warm breeze blew through my hair, the fears, anxiety and confusion dissipated with it.

My frantic mind was finally calm enough to look at my past, my present, and my uncertain future with clarity and ample detachment.

With the emptying of my mind, an influx of past events surged into my consciousness from the moment my grandfather died and I had lost everything, including my dreams.  The raging stream of consciousness flashed like snapshots of my life – From a child that was fed with a silver spoon to a runaway who ended up a pauper struggling to find a way to survive; Then with enough ingenuity, the return to wealth, a marriage and the life of Riley; then to a bad, violent separation to destitution which led to the decadent life in poker and a mountain of debt; then to a life with no electricity and water and the full judgment of my peers; then the slow, step by step, uphill battle to survive, to get up the ladder of the poker industry, and some level of liquidity; then finally to the shedding of the past, the sale of a most beloved home and the liberation from a mafiosic, but otherwise coveted, job; then to loves won and lost; then finally, back to where I was at the present, on a much debated Thailand trip, on the beach of the beautiful island of Samui.

Samui Beach

After this existential Powerpoint presentation, I had to ask myself:  with everything that has already happened in my life, what exactly am I anxious about?  What am I afraid of?   This was not a question easy to answer, If it were, then I would never have left Manila, would I?  What made it far harder for me to figure it out was that I was a self-proclaimed hero.  Heroes fear nothing and conquer everything. Evading the issue, I decided to set this question aside to a later time while I enjoyed the gifts of nature that God has given me.

I basked under the sun listening to my music which never seemed to fail in bringing me to philosophical heights.  I let my mind calm down, my soul flow with the natural energy around me and enjoyed the moment.  Not to be kitsch in any way, but at that moment, I was “one with the Force.”  I wouldn’t be too surprised if I could destroy the Deathstar with 1 shot on that precise point in time.  And obviously it was at that moment that enlightenment came.

All this time, my friends were afraid for me because of my uncertain future.  They had felt I was anxious because I had no clue what to do with my life.  And with a lack of an answer to my own anxiety, I took their fear to be the cause of mine; and thinking that I had made plans, calculated my means, my investments, my goals and my dreams and noted it down as if I were making an audit of my life assuring myself that everything was in perfect balance.  Everything was set.  With my strong personality and my determined mind, making all these plans should have alleviated me of some of my apprehensions.  But something was missing.  My distress over the future had remained until that very moment of sublime.

I was not afraid of my unknown future.  I had never been afraid of anything unknown.  As a matter of fact I had always found it exciting and an adventure.  I was afraid of what was known.  And the only thing I knew for certain was myself.  I was afraid of me.

It was as simple as that.  There I was in Koh Samui, spending I don’t know how much money to pretty much realize that I was afraid of something I saw every day, in the comfort of my home, when I look in the mirror as I brush my teeth.  Well, I suppose sometimes one has to go out of the circle to see what’s inside the circle and this was the case in this situation.

Although the problem was apparently simple, the solution was not.  I was afraid of myself because of the numerous choices that I had made in my life that had resulted in a very sensational, animated and definitely unique life, but an extremely difficult one.

The landscape from my balcony

Although I can say I’ve done it before and survived, I could survive it once again, I am not as young as I used to be and when you’re older, time seems to run much faster.

The complication lies in the fact that my character is my strength and my downfall.  It is so easy to say, I’ve learned from my mistakes and will definitely not do it again, but you’ll never know if you’ve really learned unless you’re faced with the same situation.  You hope that you make the right decision this time, given objective historical data.  The operative word in that last sentence obviously was… objective, and can we really be objective about our past?

Well, they say that knowing the problem is 90% of the solution.  So I’ve solved 90% of my problem.  As for the remaining 10%, I’ll just have to have faith in myself.  A vague solution but such is life.

Whatever the case may be, bringing the cause to consciousness was enough to make me feel better and look positively at my future.  I felt so much more certain of what I intend to do and I was looking forward to going home and actualizing those plans.

I spent the rest of my time in Samui, having massages, eating, swimming, and basking in the sun.  On my last evening, I had dinner in the hotel restaurant located right at the beach front.  The whole place was candle lit and was extremely romantic.  And being alone did not deter my enjoyment of the place.  I was in love with life, anyway.  The evening was so much more made perfect by the extremely cheap but exquisite dinner that I had.  I had scrumptious king prawns and lobster, a mouth-watering slice of tiramisu, wine and coffee.

It was time to leave Samui, and although I was raring to go back home I still had 2 days in Bangkok.  So far, my trip to Thailand has been quite interesting and I couldn’t help but wonder what will happen in Bangkok.  At this point, however, it didn’t matter.  Whatever it is, it will not be boring.  But what the universe dished out was, amazingly, the last thing I expected.

Thailand Part 4 – One Night in Bangkok.

 

Thailand Part 2 – The Heaven on Earth Called Koh Samui

Samui Sunset

Koh Samui, or just Samui, is the island paradise and the second largest in Thailand.

Most Filipinos I know go to Phuket when they’re in Thailand, but being the non-conformist that I am I decided to go to Samui instead.

Having had my experiences in Pattaya, I was extremely apprehensive of Samui.

None of my friends, who lived in Thailand, knew much about Samui, so all the planning and all the booking was done solely through Google.  I had to trust the reviews of strangers and my intuition to choose the right place to go to.  But as I was leaving my hotel in Pattaya, and being in a very insecure mental state due to the events of the night prior, I second-guessed my plans.

First of all, I booked a flight to Samui via Bangkok Airways from the Utapao Airport in Pattaya.  The girlfriend of my friend strongly emphasized how Bangkok Airways flights sucked.  Secondly, what made my apprehension stronger was the fact that nobody in Pattaya, locals, mind you, even knew that they had an airport.  And finally, everyone kept asking me, “Why are you going to the beach during the rainy season?”  It seemed like a doomed trip even before it started.

But all these have been planned and paid for and I had no choice but to look up into the very clear sky, and say, Bahala na si Batman!

Arriving at the Samui Airport which looked like a big Nipa Hut, I started wondering what kind of hotel I booked into.  I was so afraid itwould be so below par, so I started planning in my mind how I was going to change hotels if the place just didn’t meet my standards.  Then I remembered that I’ve paid for the whole stay, so I was pretty much stuck with whatever I got.  Sigh.  As usual, I will just have to make the best of the situation if it really was shit.

In any case, I went about my business trying to get to the hotel as I did not give any instructions to be picked up.  I found a mini-bus that transports tourists to their destinations, and as it was relatively cheap, and having wanted to immerse myself in the culture, I took it instead of hiring a taxi cab.

Samui Airport

I took the very first seat, hoping to God that nobody sat beside me.  I was after all in a foul mood.  Most unfortunately, some blonde European who dressed like my German friend sat beside me.  He was checking me out but, again because of my level of negativity, I avoided any eye contact whatsoever.  He was doing everything to get my attention, from watching a movie to accidentally elbowing me, to whatever he could concoct.  I tried to ignore all of it but I had to admit I wanted to check out his face – the curiosity was beginning to kill me.

The first stop of the mini-bus was my resort so I had to get off first.  As I was leaving the mini-bus I had figured that it was the best time to finally see his face, and to my surprise he was looking intensely straight at me.  The Power of his gaze was so forceful it would make any girl swoon.  Then the door of the mini-bus closed.  Somehow, at that moment, with that fierce look of desire, I knew with certainty that Samui will be a blast!

And sure enough, everything went uphill from there.

It was already early evening at that point, and as I entered the lobby I was welcomed by the warm smiles of the receptionists and gigantic Thai mosquitos.   The mosquitos didn’t bother me that much as I was prepared.  I had googled Samui and was pretty much aware of the amount of mosquitos in the area and as such I made sure I took with me, insect repellent.  It wasn’t the same for the poor foreigners who were checking in at the same time as I was though.

In any case, I was led to my room and the moment my escort opened the lights, the room that I was initially concerned about took my breath away.  The ambiance of my room was perfect for the relaxation and the serenity that my mind, my body and my spirit so badly needed.

The room was lit up with lamps that gave the impression that it was illumined by candles.  The bathroom was spacious with a Jacuzzi and had the same kind of lighting plus aromatic candles on the ledges by the wall giving the bathroom a very sensuous and romantic feel to it.  And the best part was the balcony.  The balcony was perfectly situated by a landscape filled with shady palm trees and a waterfall-like fountain that streamed into a pond with elevated stepping stones.

I had to go down and walk through this landscape.  It was just so romantic.  Going further down, I walk over a small bridge that leads to the resorts restaurant.  To the left of the restaurant was the resorts infinity pool and going down the steps in between the pool and the restaurant was the mind blowing Samui beach.

Baan Haad Ngam Fountain

It was so sublime, that everything that happened the night prior, all the problems I left in Manila and whatever was happening with the rest of the world was just blown away by the nice, soft, cool breeze on the beach of Samui.  Here, there was only me, nature and my God.

But as spiritual as this whole scene maybe, I am only human and it was time for dinner.  I had to make this wonderful place wait a day longer while I satisfy my human needs and my natural curiosity.  So I decided to walk around the streets of Samui.

Walking is the best way of exploration in a place you’ve never been to.  It may not be the safest way to get to know an area but it surely is a very efficient way to familiarize yourself.

And by walking around, I realized, this place is filled with foreigners.  Except for the staff, everybody that was patronizing the restaurants and shops were foreigners.

Walking around, nobody was paying attention to me.  Numerous Thai people would be giving out flyers and yet when I passed by, they purposefully, skip me and not give me any of their marketing paraphernalia.  I said, ok, less trash.  Then, being famished, I went to the nearest restaurant.  It was an open-air traditional Thai restaurant with Thai girls, in native costumes, doing their native dances.

I was the only Asian customer at this restaurant.  I thought that maybe, the establishment was full of foreigners because of the native dancing, but as I looked over the other restaurants, all of them were filled with foreigners, majority of whom were Caucasian.  For every 15 Caucasians, there was 1 or 2 Asians, and most of the Asians were Chinese, Japanese or Korean.

So there I was in the restaurant, waiting to be attended to.  I look around and I see the waiters and waitresses looking at me but not approaching until I raised my hand to call them over.

The chief waiter approaches then I said, “Excuse me.  Can I have a menu?” He gives me a menu and looks at me warily as I check their dishes.  He says something to me in the vernacular which I did not pay attention to, thinking he was talking to somebody else.  Finally, he addresses me in English, “You’re not Thai?  Where are you from?”  I told him I was from the Philippines.  Then he replies, “Ah, same, same but different.”  From that moment on, his demeanour towards me, as well as his colleagues, changed.  They started asking me how the Philippines was, why I was there; they gave me tips as to where I should go; essentially, they treated me like one of their own – same, same but different.

Same, same but different – a saying told to me numerous times in this whole trip.

Green Mango Club

As I was eating my scrumptious dinner of Thai chicken curry, I heard loud dance music from the distance.  So I asked the now friendly waiter where the music was coming from.  He pointed to a joint right beside the restaurant and informed me that it was a place that I wouldn’t want to go to – a lady boy show – Wrong thing to tell a person like me.  Sure enough, my curiosity got the better of me, as always, and I crossed the street to watch the lady boy show.

I was hoping to see lady boys that were perfectly made – like the ones that joined Ms. Gay Philippines who were so sexy, feminine and androgynous, it would make a girl feel insecure of the female assets she was born with.  After all, this is Thailand, the land of the perfect lady boys, where men have a tendency to do something they will regret the rest of their lives.  Unfortunately, the lady boys that were performing were nothing more than transvestites no different from the ones who perform in Manila.  Despite that, the show was quite good and funny at times.  But, as a Filipino, I have to say that pinoy homosexuals are still better performers.

The night being still young, and being a natural party girl, I needed to check the nightlife out.  It was a must.  Despite my purpose of serenity, peace and solitude, the urge to see how the nightlife was, was a call I couldn’t seem to refuse.  And down, I went to the central to check out this party scene in Samui which has been said was a blast.

Wow, if not for my experience in Pattaya, and my need for the sublime, I would have let loose my hair and gotten my groove going.  The nightlife was pumping.  An sound of pop/hip-hop and just a step away, the beat of techno coursed through my veins, and the natural thing to do was to dance – and dance I did.

Unlike the normal scenes in Asia where you would have been considered a fool for dancing alone, this was Samui and this scene was filled with foreigners who could not have cared about what you did as long as you had as much fun as they did.  At least for me, it was party heaven.  No judgements, no preachers, no care in the world – just drink, dance and live and be one with the party.  And as such, once again, I was purged of all of life’s pressures; liberated from the past and the future, just to live that particular moment in the present.  This time, not with the beauty of nature but, with the sound harmonized with the rhythm of your soul.

With the curfew that the new government of Thailand had imposed, everybody had to go home at 2am, a curfew that didn’t bother me at all despite being used to going home when the sun came up.  I wasn’t in Thailand to party after all, but a party here and there never hurt anyone.

I went back to my divine hotel room, and slept, for the first time in weeks, for 12 hours – definitely an improvement from 2.5 hours I had recently been getting.  If I had dreamt that night, it would have reified itself in exactly what happened the next day.

Thailand Part 1 – Secrets Revealed

Needing to get away from the stress I currently have in my life, I decided to get on a plane and fly away as far as I can.  Maybe I was running away but I  just felt that I needed to get the clarity to make the right decisions for my future and the future of family.

Most people would say that the flight in itself was a bad decision, but one cannot possibly see a circle from within.

It was a choice between Thailand and Seoul.  Having quite a number of friends in Thailand, I opted for the former.  One of my friends, offered to pick me up from the airport and bring me to Pattaya to attend the anniversary party of his bar.  I googled Pattaya and found out that it, apparently was the red light district of Thailand.  Sure enough, the bar that my friend owned was a girlie bar.  I had many qualms about this, but as days passed, and as my mind was getting number to the issues that surrounded me, especially since I averaged 2.5 hours of sleep a day, I said, “Fuck it, I’m taking his offer.”

But I had a plan B.  I asked another friend who was based in Thailand where my destination should be.  He recommended Koh Samui.  Koh Samui, is the Boracay of Thailand and I figured, the beach always having a calming effect on me, that it would be a good idea to spend most of my stay there.  But that will be Part 2 of this Thailand blog post.

Being a lone female traveller, who has never really flown in her entire life, I, apprehensively, got on the plane and flew the 2.5 hour flight to Bangkok.  Unsurprisingly, the Cebu Pacific flight was delayed and I arrived in Bangkok at 1am.  Fortunately, I was being picked up by the hotel/bar service of my friend.

It was another 1.5 hour drive from Bangkok to Pattaya, and despite having only had 2 hours of sleep prior, I couldn’t sleep on the way to my destination.  Because of my current mental state, I couldn’t think of anything either and didn’t even bother to put on my Ipod.  I just blankly stared at the extremely dark landscape that passed my window.

I had left the Philippines in the middle of packing, in the middle of finding a new job, without a place to move to (since my potential lessor is taking his sweet banana time to finalize the agreement), in the middle of everything in my life facing quite an uncertain future, and quite alone without even a tower block to lean onto.  And I was now in Thailand, totally unchartered territory, going to the red light district, blankly looking at the snapshots of the dark landscapes of Bangkok, alone, only with a driver, whose accent was so thick I couldn’t understand a word he was saying.

I arrived in Pattaya, the streets of which are reminiscent of Burgos Street in Manila.  I arrived at the hotel and, thank God, I was warmly welcomed by my friend and his whole staff.  I couldn’t have felt more welcomed in a strange place than at his bar, called Secrets.

Since I had just arrived, my friend treated me to food and drinks.  And despite having been sober for more than a month, I downed, I don’t know how many, glasses of vodka sprite and shots of Tequila.  Then, talking to his partner who I just had been introduced to, my friend said, “I have never met anyone in the world who is as open-minded and as fair as Gabby.  She will treat anyone, rich or poor, with exactly the same demeanour and deal with them equally with no judgments whatsoever.”  It boils down to being different again, a characteristic which I have been told was mine, which I never have quite seemed to understand.

The next day, making the most of my trip to Pattaya despite my misgivings about the place in general, I moved around and tried whatever new thing I could find.  I decided to walk around, something I would never do in my own country.  I walked to wherever my legs would take me and I found:

1.  The Royal Garden Mall – where I ended up shopping, of course.  Being quite concerned about the famed spiciness of Thai food, I decided to eat in a Japanese restaurant.  Hallelujah, Praise the Lord!  The maître Dee speaks English fluently albeit with a Thai accent.  He gave me a few tips and was quite shocked to find out I had travelled alone, to Pattaya.  “You’re one brave girl,” he said.  Again, different.  It was very nice for him to offer that if I needed more advice as to where it was safe to go for a female traveller, I could always come to the restaurant and look for him.  I have no doubts in my head that the hospitality in Thailand can match that of the Philippines.
2. The Fish Spa – where small little fishes suck on your flesh to exfoliate dead skin.  It was one of the oddest sensations I have ever felt, but after a while, you will get used to it.  After about 5 minutes, however, it still looked quite disgusting to see your feet covered with this small wriggling fishes but… it’s something new.

Having walked more than 2kms by now, I got tired and decided to hail a cab.  Maybe because I looked stupid, this jeepney-looking vehicle’s driver offered me a ride back to my hotel.  Maybe because I am stupid, I had thought he said 20THB for the ride.  When we got to my hotel, he refused my 20THB and was asking for 200THB which he had claimed I agreed to.  Annoying!  I now feel the frustration that foreigners in the Philippines feel when they’re charged Php300 for short distances.  At the same time, I couldn’t help but be amused by the idea that this time, I am the stupid foreigner.

After a long adventurous day of walking, and knowing I had a party to go to in the evening, I decided to have a genuine Thai massage.  The receptionist at the lobby of my hotel had told me that the price for 1 hour is exactly the same price for 2 hours.  So I had instructed her to get a masseuse for 2 hours.  I waited 20 minutes in my room for the masseuse.  She finally arrived and she was a voluptuous, pretty young girl with a  dimple when she smiled.  It was a mind-blowing massage and I couldn’t help but doze off once in a while.  But after 1 hour she stopped and started packing.  So I had complained about this as I was told that I could get 2 hours for the same price.  She vehemently shook her head and said, with a cute smile and a thick Thai accent, “Noh.  Poh yoo, only wan awah!” I smiled at that, and had half the mind to say, “Don’t I get a happy ending for another hour?”, but decided to let it go…. Of course!

I napped, dressed up and went to the party at 10pm, a very early time to be at a party by my standards.

There is one word to describe the feeling I felt when I got to the party – FLABBERGHASTED!

The place was packed full of old white men and young, skimpily clad young Thai girls – the exact same girls that treated me extremely well, with amiability, friendliness and warmth, and attended my every need earlier on in the day.  If this happened in Manila, I would have taken my 1 courtesy drink then left, keeping what’s left of my naiveté and innocence intact.  After all, I am not THAT open-minded.  It was enough that I knew what men did behind women’s backs but to actually see it for myself… No, thank you.   Instead, for the respect I had for our friendship, I decided to stay at Secrets until they blew the anniversary cake.

To my surprise, the staff and the girlfriend of my friend “protected” me as much as they can from “undesirables”.  I can’t help but love them for what they did.  But their protection can only go so far – the poker players, my peers in the industry I worked in, arrived, one of whom was an ex-boss and lover.

After a little bit of drama, I socialized and fraternized with the poker players, as it was the most familiar thing in that place.  To my unease, they started chatting up the young, skimpily clad young Thai girls – the exact same girls who treated me extremely well, with amiability, friendliness and warmth, and attended my every need earlier on in the day.  And to bring me to a level of catatonia, my ex-boss and lover, bar found one of the girls who treated me extremely well, with amiability, friendliness and warmth, and attended my every need earlier on in the day.

In the hopes of getting myself out of this negative mood, I decided to go to something familiar – a dance club at Walking Street.  Walking down Walking Street I realized why the street was given its name – because everybody walked from bar to bar.  It would have been a fantastic idea if it wasn’t for the fact that more than half of the bars were girlie bars, joints to find Thai working girls, or live “freak” shows.

I found the dance club and it wasn’t what I had expected.  It wasn’t Republiq, that was for sure, but it was packed.  The music was Techno which was exactly what I needed and so, being the party girl that I am, I went up the ledge for some space to make my moves.

A bunch of Thai girls were dancing at the ledge as well, and initially, they had thought I was Thai until I spoke English and told them I was not.  At that moment, they decided that I had no right to get the attention of the foreigners which filled up the club and thus they decided to, literally, push me out of the ledge and, to their dismay, into the strong arms of a European whom they had branded to be exclusively theirs.   They should not have worried at all as I was not in the mood to socialize or hook up that evening.  But I took this as a sign to go back to my hotel and wait for the hour of my flight to Samui.

I cannot possibly say that the evening was bad, as the company of my friend and his girlfriend (and maybe the strong arms) made up for whatever discomfort I felt during the evening.  But it did give me a lot of food for thought.

I have been taught at a very young age to watch people – to observe, learn and understand human behaviour – with a certain level of detachment and amorality, without any judgments or criticisms as long as it does not enter my personal world.  Maybe it is because I have created a boundary between me and reality that I have been accused of being in my own world with my own mores and rules.

This situation should have been no different from any other situation that I have found myself in because of my boldness, daring and, what people call, my eccentricity.  But one man crossed the line – A man who I had taken into my world and who was more than living a reality I do not want to be part of.  Once, before I left Manila, he had already crossed the line but to have seen it in action makes me wonder about the glass menagerie world that I have created for myself.

The humiliation, the first time caused me, made me go into pieces, which was partly the reason why I left the country.  To have encountered in my, supposedly, getaway country a worse scene was just too much for me to handle.

The morning came and I was leaving.  With the sun up, the ambience in Secrets, as well as Pattaya, had  once again changed to a level of normalcy and relative decency.  The one thing that had not changed, was the way I was treated.  I was once again treated extremely well, with amiability, friendliness and warmth, and my every need was attended to with the biggest and nicest smiles.  The staff went about their business, having only slept a few hours.  Secrets was as if a wild party didn’t occur the night prior.  If there is anything to be said about those who worked at Secrets, they were extremely professional.

On my way to the Utapao Airport in Pattaya, I saw another side of Pattaya away from Walking Street.  It was more suburban, quiet and refreshing.  But once again, these are nothing but snapshots passing through my car window; sceneries that I most probably will not get to know as the memory of Walking Street has been etched in my mind.

I found it extremely ironic that what I was running away from in my job was exactly what I found myself in at Pattaya.  The decadence of the poker world was forcibly smashed into my resisting mind.  I looked out my plane window and only saw the beautiful landscape of Pattaya, and yet deep within was iniquity that I would never want to see again.  So similar to the poker world, depravity covered by glamor and mountains of cold, hard cash.  There were just some secrets in humanity that I wished remained hidden or totally removed from my sensibilities.

But what left the most bitter taste was the man, for the simple reason that, this was the same man who had once told me that I should not put him in the same category as the rest of the poker community – words that allowed him to enter my world and yet, he had done nothing but reveal to me that he really is nothing more than a very good example of a rich poker player.

At that moment, the words of my warzone journalist entered my mind.  He had told me that he had seen the worst of people, the poverty, the suffering and even the deaths of innocents.  He knows, he sees, and he hears wretchedness that you wouldn’t expect humans to do.  But at the end of the day, you leave it all behind and you go home and live your life the best way you know how.

As poker players lovingly say, “What happens in Pattaya, stays in Pattaya!”

At that point there was only one thing in my mind – I wanted to go Home.  Then I realized, I had lost my Home which is the main reason why I’m in Thailand.  I wanted to cry but I have too much pride to let those tears fall.

We are arriving at the Samui Airport in 20 minutes.  Please put your seatbelts on.  We hope you enjoyed our flight and hope to see you again.  Thank you for flying Bangkok Airways.

Twenty minutes away from Samui, the famed island beach of Thailand.  What lies before me, I have no clue.  I’m still in Thailand and it didn’t really start with the right foot.  All I can do, at the moment, is, wait and deal with whatever is facing me the best way I know how…. My way… as per my world.

Thailand Part 2 – The Heaven on Earth called Koh Samui.

Norway Youth Camp Massacre – 5 Minutes of Fame, Lifetime of Pain

Memorial on lake shore in front of Utoeya Island

I have been following the news and updates of Norway’s Holiday Youth Camp Massacre.  I was reading the news and a stream of conscious terror was going through my head.

Ninety-three people dead.  93 people who were just going through their day, suddenly dead, because a man maniacally wants to purge Europe and liberate it from multiculturalism and Islam.

Nine years, Anders Behring Breivik, has had this planned.  He had had this planned since 2002, the year following the massacre of Americans at the World Trade Center.

911.  I remembered watching 911 on TV as it was happening.  People jumping from the top floors to their deaths.   Almost 3,000 people dead. I remembered watching the re-enactment of the phone calls made from the plane months after.

Utoeya Island.  News came out of a 16-year old girl, Julie Bremnes, sending text messages to her mum from the island of Utoeya, the site of the Norway massacre:

•  ”Mum, tell the police to hurry up, people are dying here,”
• “We are scared of dying.”
• “I love you even though I may shout a few times.”

Sixteen years old.  In 1979, a 16-year old American girl, Brenda Ann Spencer, decided to randomly shoot at the children waiting for the school gate to be opened.  The school was across her bedroom window.  She decided to open fire at the children.  After the arrest, when asked why she did it, all she said was “I don’t like Mondays.”  It was a Monday then.  It was so senseless, it inspired the creation of a song with the same title.  ”I don’t like Mondays.”

It was a Monday, November 23, 2009 when 58 people, including journalists,  died in Maguindanao province at Mindanao Philippines.  Fifty-eight people, including their vehicles, buried at the side of the mountain.  The Ampatuan Massacre, it was called.  At that time, my journalist friend asked me what I thought about the incident that happened in my country.  I answered, “Nothing.  It happens all the time.  You get used to it.”

That wasn’t necessarily true.  I didn’t want to think about it.

93 people, most of them children… almost 3,000 people, some young, some old… bullets flying towards children waiting to enter the school…58 people women, pregnant, mothers, fathers, brothers, sons, daughters….ALL DEAD.

I am a mother with 2 daughters.  I remembered when I was young and pregnant and a female friend of mine got married.  I asked her, “So how many children do you intend to have?”  She replied, “I don’t intend to have children.  What?  Have children?  Just so that they can live in this insane world?”

Insane, senseless killings.  I’ve been witnessing so many massacres in my lifetime.  People before me have seen more.  My grandmother has witnessed the Holocaust, the World War II… and was personally there during the Manila Massacre  with at least 100,000 dead plus:

93 people, most of them children… almost 3,000 people, some young, some old… bullets flying towards children waiting to enter the school…58 people women, pregnant, mothers, fathers, brothers, sons, daughters….ALL DEAD.

WHY?  I have 2 children.  Breivik, Bin Laden, Spencer, Ampatuan, Hitler… the list never ends.  All of them having their 5 minutes of historical Fame.  Names forever imprinted in my mind to remind me of a lifetime of pain.

The song of the Boomtown Rats continue to ring in my head, a morbid last song syndrome effect.  I don’t like Mondays!

ENOUGH! I don’t want to think about this anymore.

I got my Ipod and listened to  songs that should calm my terrorized brain.  To my surprise, it randomly played Queen’s Under Pressure.   I stopped.  And I cried.

Never ending numbers, never ending names of those whose gotten their 5 minutes of fame causing a lifetime of pain.

I can’t change the world.  No one can.  I am a mother with 2 children.  All I can do is raise, care, protect and love them the best way I can.

Love.  Mrs. Bremnes and her daughter Julie.  Last name syndrome. “[Mum] I love you…”

Julie Bremnes, 16 years old, is alive.

Hugh Hefner’s Runaway Bride

Hugh Hefner with ex-fiancee Crystal Harris

 As I was reading Yahoo! News today, I came across this headline: Runaway bride dishes on sex(less) life with Hefner.

Hmmm…

First of all, why is this even part of the news? Do we really care if Hugh Hefner has sex or not? Isn’t it enough that we see entertainment headlines of Hefner’s newest Playboy girlfriend? We are already shocked, amazed, appalled by the dog-eat-dog society that we are in, as proven by the 85-year old magnate’s love life.  Are we to be disgusted as well by the should-have-been private affair of his sex life?

This is not news. It’s gossip and sometimes I wonder why gossip sells so much.

One explanation could be Schadenfreude!

Schadenfreude is the joy one gets at seeing the misfortunes of others. As sick as it may sound, a lot of people, most especially gossips, love to hear the misfortunes of others as it makes them happier about themselves and their lives.

I would have to say, this is the justification small minds need to make their lives and their personas worthwhile and better than others.  Although the probability is, if they’re gossiping they have no lives and are a bunch of insecure people.

I do not like gossip and find it a very effective way of wasting time. As the story is told from one person to another, the accuracy of the account becomes farther and farther from the truth, assuming of course the original story was true in the first place. So in the end, the tale that gets to your ears has most probably been blown out of proportions so much that the effect would be an extremely graphic and morbid picture of how evil a person is, or how miserable that person’s life has become.

Why does Schadenfreude even exist? Because Envy exists.

And Hugh Hefner is definitely a man to be envied. Not only is he wealthy but he’s got a gamut of young beautiful women. Therefore, to see him humiliated in such a manner would surely bring joy to those who envied him.

Maybe people don’t believe that Hefner deserves his wealth because of the means by which he made it. But no matter what his vision was of Playboy; no matter what his philosophy is in life, the man worked for it and used his time to build his empire. Maybe if he had spent most of youth feeling Schadenfreude and filled it gossiping, then he wouldn’t be as wealthy as he is now. He’d be as mediocre as the small minded people who rejoice in his misfortunes.

For me, there’s just one message to this news article – it’s a dog-eat-dog world from either side of this coin. And honestly, that is so old news.

Blame it on Chris Ferguson!

Chris Ferguson and his challenge!

Chris Ferguson gave this challenge to all poker players a few years back, that anyone can make US$20,000 online from zero.  To prove his point he did his own challenge.  He joined the freerolls and built his bankroll from nothing within 6 months.  But then HE IS JESUS!

This challenge has been engraved in my mind since I started playing poker almost 5 years ago.  Although, I love playing online, I focus more on live games as this is what’s required of me at work, leaving very little time for me to spend online.

Nonetheless, because of Chris Ferguson’s challenge, I have never made a deposit in any online client.  Although I can’t say I had US$20,000, I was quite happy slowly building a bankroll in Full Tilt Poker.  But due to Black Friday, Full Tilt has been suspended indefinitely which now drives me to play elsewhere – Pokerstars.

I started with Pokerstars (Stars) almost 5 years ago.   Due to Ferguson’s challenge, I had learned every discipline of poker so I could join any freeroll I wanted available in Stars.  I stopped playing here because it had been one of the most frustrating experiences in my life.  This feeling, apparently, was shared by a lot of my colleagues in the local industry, so much that we’ve changed its name to Jokerstars.

I would just like to make a note, that whatever I feel about my game at Pokerstars has no bearing whatsoever on the company or its employees, a lot of whom are business partners and friends.

Anyway, with Full Tilt gone, I had to build a bankroll at Stars.  I joined the Badugi Freeroll.  In one hand, 3 people had Badugis.  The best hand was 1 point better than mine.  I had my Badugi from the get-go.  He got his draw and it was 1 point better than mine.  Frustrating!

After this hand, I had to ask myself, “Why am I playing Badugi?” After this long, I know which discipline I like and Badugi is not one of them.  ”Why don’t I just make the deposit?” “Am I still trying to prove something to myself?”

Doing the freerolls, is definitely good discipline.  When I first started live, poker was really new in the country and I had joined all the freerolls I could get my hands on.

From the freerolls, I moved to the $10 buyin tournaments.  And just moved higher and higher.  In the Philippines, the buyins are micro compared to its American counterpart, but for the country, a $300 buyin is already considered somewhat big.  Having gone through, the ladder of live tournaments in the country, you develop some skills.

Having gone through this live, and doing it online with Full Tilt, do I really want to go through the whole process again in Stars?

A poker player friend of mine told me once, it doesn’t matter how much the buyin is, it could be as micro as $1 or as huge as $10,000, the amount of donkeys does not change, the bad beats and suck outs don’t change, and so your game should not change either.  If you’re good, then, in the long run, you should come out ahead.

I suppose this is the whole point behind the Chris Ferguson challenge.  He was able to make his $20,000 in 6 months because he’s good.  Of course, not everyone is as good as he is.  But that’s what you develop going through this challenge – you improve your game and your discipline as a player.  If you’re not good by the time you get that $20,000 then you’re one hell of a lucky donkey.

So to answer my questions, I suppose no deposit for me.  Badugi here I come!  Hopefully, in the end of this all, I can stop blaming Ferguson and instead thank him…..personally.